Registrar for Sunny's Book of Healing

Resilience is rooted in a tenacity of spirit—a determination to embrace all that makes life worth living even in the face of overwhelming odds. When we have a clear sense of identity and purpose, we are more resilient, because we can hold fast to our vision of a better future.from Wisdomcommons.comWhat is your vision for your future?  Are you spending your time in thoughts of enduring the pain you are in?  How to get through the next hour, the next day?  Do you feel you have a sense of purpose in life?  What is that purpose?  When I started my journey back to health, in a way I never conceived could happen, I had a few "tools in my belt" to begin with.  1) I believed I could and would heal2) I had absolute faith that I was listening to my inner intuition/inner self/God3) I absolutely knew that the medical establishment had nothing of significance to offer me4) I had absolute faith in my ability to research and learn and did so with a frenzy5) I had done enough inner-searching to realize my distinct gifts in this life and my purpose6) I had already worked in the medical establishment and was experiencing the natural worlds first hand so          already knew of the disconnect between the thinking. 7) I had studied consciousness and philosophy and already knew of the type of thinking the medical     establishment purported and how natural healing methods differed.It's almost as if I came fully poised and ready to meet this health crisis full-on.  Let me be very clear that I was entering a masters program at the time, I had just recently moved from one state where I had a small group of older friends to another state where I was only acquainted with a smattering of people through the school, and I had NO health insurance.Does this sound like I was poised to meet the health crisis to you?It's a matter of focus.  We focus on the things listed numerically above or we focus on the don't haves.My saving grace was the internet.  MANY people are so skeptical of finding good information on the internet that before one even starts, they are deflated and make no head-way.  This is a great example of my ex-boyfriend.  If I had gone through this while still being with him my spirit would have already been deflated before even venturing into it!!Without the judgement, I had a clear path to finding sources of good information on the internet FULLY capable of sensing the crap amongst the solid information.And really, the more you read and are exposed to, the more you have the ability to sense the crap amongst the solid information!!  Anyone involved in politics can attest to this - they read between the I came to be able to do only with health and nutrition as my topics of interest. You become the detective.During my journey back to health, my ex-boyfriend, who was there at the start of my more painful symptoms such as having doubled-over pain on several occasions, did not contact me at all to see how I was faring in all this - not even to ask about my studies.My family contact was virtually non-existent.My fellow classmates were mostly much younger than me and had that deer-in-the-headlight look as I would talk about my experiences with this journey back to health.  It didn't take long for me to stop trying to reach out to them.Since I had no health insurance, I also had no way to pay for counseling services.  I found that I could, for a cheaper price, talk with a student of counseling - one who was still in school to be a counselor/psychiatrist/ psychologist.   That did NOT go well as I began to understand that I was being treated as someone to help refine their skills as a practitioner...not someone who was in pain and trying to heal and had no where to turn.Everywhere I tried to get help or even a goddamn shoulder to cry on....nothing.My sadness at the numbed state of other's people emotional strength and wisdom deepened within me.  I saw this as an epidemic in our nation.  Having been witness to it through both deaths of my parents, even though people stepped in to "help" us it was financial and moving kids around to get them into school and with a roof over their head.  Did I receive emotional support or a shoulder to cry on then?  I think you know the answer.Crying, being in pain, needing to's dirty work to be able to be around that or to be the one who needs to do it!!  We all cannot be a Mother Theresa.  But when no one in our circle is reaching out to support, that is a true and unequivocal sign that the state of our resilience, based on compassion and love to work through, has declined and is in trouble!What was I to do?  Fold up and take it?If you know anything about my life, you know the answer to that as well.  I felt, I cried, I fought, I struggled.  I forgave myself, I cried out to God, my belief in spirit deepened, my belief in humanity crashed, I researched, I learned.I still felt that there was hope for others.  I found cyber support in The Liferegenerator.  The story about his life shows you why he reaches out so much to others and can, from gritty experience, know what it is to need the support, to need the love you were never shown, to be the compassionate one ....when you were not shown compassion throughout your life!!!  So how do we know how to do it?  It must be something within each of us - programmed into our DNA strands.  The only thing that gets in our way of actually showing it must be our life experiences that embitter us.I sent him a few emails early on in this journey - one of which he or his girlfriend at the time, Krista, answered.  Much later on, when Matthew Armstrong interviewed me about my healing journey and while I had such a great person on the phone (a skype call) I asked him about IC and healing and he confirmed my thoughts exactly.  And once when I was at the Fruitarian festival I was sitting with Tim vanOrden who I asked about IC healing and he told me what he thought the issue was with digesting cruciferous vegetables.Those were my only experiences with others in the field who had been living a raw lifestyle and could offer me advice which I respected.  I tried to reach out in many other ways but could not afford the prices some people wanted for just a consultation.I did this virtually alone.  My grandfather would balk at that!  "What about the people who picked that damn banana and who grew that damn spinach you're eating!?" he would say.  "You are never alone! What about the people who made that chair your sitting on?"  Yep, granpa's right.  But those people who did that so that I could eat and sit cannot lend emotional support to me in this time of crisis.  I wasn't savvy enough in debate at the time to say that to him.  I was trying to reach out and he didn't get it.  We were all doing the best we could at the time.So back to resilience, my comrades.  We learn MUCH about ourselves in the face of adversity.  We see that we react in fear, hatred, jealousy...and all the life-sucking emotions when things get tough.We may even bite the hand that feeds us....we are in so much pain and want so much to heal that we lunge in anger at the people who are trying to help while living their busy lives and trying to push forward themselves.When the messenger is shot in the heart one too many times, do you think the messenger (helper) wants to keep returning to give the needed information?  This is up to each individual person, as only they can decide how much abuse to take from others.  Is this information important enough?  How deep are the messenger's convictions to this cause?Contemplate on these things, my compassionate and loving friends.  Do you possess the inner resilience to face this situation with grace or will you become embittered to it?  Each word holds force - an energetic force that cuts to our core, our bone.  Choose them carefully.